Hello Beautiful Souls-So many quips and quotes are coming to mind today. All are dated and old-fashioned, but that is because they have stood the test of time.
I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. I have a vivid memory of my dad passing me in the hallway of my childhood home, warning, “Mic, be careful, you’ve been burning the candle at both ends and you are going to burn out.” He was concerned as he should have been for his young daughter trying to please everyone while fulfilling her own obligations and responsibilities.
The memory was before I got married and I was trying to save money to bring into my new married life. I was working three jobs. My full-time job was as a bank teller. My day off from the bank was Tuesdays and that was filled with my part time job as a dental assistant and office receptionist for a local dentist. And third, I worked weeknights and weekends at an upscale restaurant waiting tables or working banquets.
I was young and had the energy to juggle all of it. It felt good. I was contributing and I proudly wore a badge of honor of busy-ness. I was a productive, working-class young woman tending to her goals and filling her bank account.
As I review the last few decades of my life, I recognize that this is my pattern. There have been few times in my adult life that I didn’t have more than one income or that I had one stationary, dependable salary while wanting to earn more pursuing a creative passion and purpose.
2024 has proven to be a successful year thus far for my business, and for that I am immensely proud and grateful.
I could say that I don’t know the reason, but I do. I quit trying so hard. I let go of my attachment to the outcome. I let go of a financial goal. I reminded myself that the reward was the guidance I was providing and although it is a business, I had been fixated on a different scale of success. I had a couple of slow months that allowed me to self-assess, to quit the doing and just be. I remembered contemplating quitting altogether, quizzing myself on the real reasons for beginning the pursuit in the first place. I remembered the exact moment when I nestled into the thought that I would be ok if my business was not successful, knowing that I had followed my passion and it had fulfilled a yearning for me. I acknowledged that I would miss it but be ok if it had to leave. And then, BAM, my client base has multiplied to the point of what I had put out into the universe years ago. I wanted to be so busy that I would have to choose between my 9-5 job and my passion.
It's a good problem to have, but while I wrestled with making room for all of it, I became jealous of free time. I experienced less and less time to recharge and replenish. I was exhausted and I just wanted an entire day to do nothing. And I mean nothing. Not like a Sunday that should feel like nothing, but typically find myself finishing laundry, cooking a couple of meals, and tying up loose ends on a plethora of miscellaneous tasks. I MEAN NOTHING!
I am aware of the body’s need to replenish and when you don’t take the necessary time for yourself, your body will make sure that you do. I understood my energy levels were significantly sinking. I was aware of what I needed to do, but I had the mindset that after this next week, I will be able to catch up a little and then I will be back on track. Then the next week turned into the next week and so-on.
I got exactly what I asked for…I got to do nothing for 3 days as my body demanded respite. I became ill, my body felt like it had been hit by a bus, I had no appetite, and no energy. I slept an entire Sunday and took time off work to relax and get better.
My dad was right. Working too hard will eventually catch up to you.
It is easy to dish out advice to help others, but it is difficult to sometimes see and evaluate when I need that same advice.
While I continue to be grateful for my increased business, I can allow it in doses that feel balanced to me. Busy-ness is not a badge of honor that I want to be holding onto while laying sick in bed. I want my badge of honor to be that I am living a healthy, balanced life and one that feels perfect for me.
We all get caught up in the doing, oftentimes to prove something to ourselves and sometimes to prove something to others. These tough lessons will continue to call me back to my truth and ask the tough questions. I vow to pay attention to my body, my mind, and my spirit and sit in the balance of it all.
And most importantly, pay attention to my daily soul-care routines.
Be well my beautiful friends.
Micki xo